You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
