I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize