I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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