is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
