pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
