the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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