I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
