At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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