; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
