Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
