last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
