How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
