he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize