...so i touched it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
