I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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