I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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