I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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