I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
