A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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