is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
