I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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