I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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