fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize