If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
