I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
