Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
