I am midnight drunk by noon
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
