There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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