I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
