Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
