If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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