did you get engaged???
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
