Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
