meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
