Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
