I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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