there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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