Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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