I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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