that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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