well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
