Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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