is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
