Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
