Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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