She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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