how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
