I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
