My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
