i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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