She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
