Whod you bang
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
