Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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