the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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