There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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