We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
