seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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