So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
only you would photoshop your dick
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
