He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
