i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
