How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize