Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
