Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Blood and glitter go together right?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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