and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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