I puked a lego.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
