so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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