Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
