it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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