Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
