you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
