So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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